June 8, 2016

Life is this big fat stinking mess and I am trying to figure it out.

     I am currently staring blank at the screen. Still staring.
     I decided that I would write today. What about? I do not know. But write I must. Its something that I have enjoyed doing / pursuing but.. but.. life happened (I have a knack for DRAMA). So let's get on with it, shall we?

     I turned 28 yesterday. Yes, TWENTY friggin' EIGHT. And if you have known me at all, you would also know how often I would mention that 28 would be the perfect age. At 28, you are neither too old nor young. You neither look like an uncooked pasta nor a burnt toast - So to say you look just right; like a ripe fruit ready to be eaten. And above all you do not have to live through pang of age 29 when you would stress over how you are turning 30. Ahh!! You see, I fantasized about age 28 quite a lot. My younger self thought I would have figured out everything by the time I would be 28. And at 28, I AM STILL FIGURING. And silly as you might think I am - by 28, I thought, I would have a home of my own, a burgeoning career, fantastic look, and many more stuff that would be embarrassing for me if I mention them now. To sum it up I had a vision of myself as a grown-up. It included making large abstract paintings in a huge barn (I used to paint then), or perhaps, write. I pictured being the kind of man who owned a barn that had been converted into a painting studio with cozy corners where I would write as well. I pictured having a stained glass window in the barn. I wanted to own horses too and tons of other animals. I do not know where I thought I would keep the horses if I were painting in the barn or writing in those cozy corners. May be that's what being optimistic is like. You do not worry about where the horses are going to sleep. Now, I am pragmatic. #FactoNotVerba

     My point is life has not turned up exactly like I thought it would. If you asked me not too long ago (let's say last year) where I saw myself in a year, I would tell you that this was not it. Everything I am right now is nothing like I thought I would have been. And may be that's the beauty of it. So may be this year will be amazing for me. Or may be not. I would be better at what I am doing, progress and may be 28 would be everything I thought it would be. Or not. Or may be tomorrow meteor will smash the earth, another earthquake will wreck it's havoc, or it won't. Life is this big fat stinking mess. BUT THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT TOO. Age 28 and life is what I make of it. And you see I already have vision for when I turn 30. Because, WHY NOT?

     And.. by 28 I wanted to have people around me who I love and eventually plan my life with. And at 27, I decided I would spend my special day with those special people. And I did. Sanyukta, Usha, Sarthak and Triyug. Thank you for everything. This post is for you guys. Stay insanely happy and weird.

Love XX.