I wish to take nothing but memories along the miles and leave nothing but all my smiles. Lets just say am the guy that your mother always warned you from hanging out with *evil laugh* Here's all my teenie weenie twaddle and tale of narcissism. I blog irregularly - because (sometimes) I tend to feel more lazy than a guy who drew a Japanese Flag! Stay insanely happy. *Yay*
Yes, maturity is counted in damages and not in years.
Damages that you've endured and SURVIVED.
But I choose not to get hurt from you anymore. I'm done
prioritizing things and people.
Now, It's my wish. My way.
P.S. I will never go to Jazzmandu with you. Never ever.
... ... ... ...
Circumstances in life often takes us
places we never intend to go. We visit some places of beauty, others of pain
and desolation. I think any time you go through a season or trail in your life,
your spiritual faith deepens. It's something beautiful that comes out of
difficult time. But my faith in you have diminished. It's flickering light.
Warm but useless
Once, at the reading desk in 2nd or 3rd
grade, my best friend offered me a chewing gum - the one in his mouth. He was
picking his nose and saw me looking at him. I stuck my tongue out at him,
because that is what I did a lot of time, when I was 7 or 8 years old. So he
offered me a chewing gum straight from his mouth and I will not forget that.
When I was little, actually right around
the same time that my friend was offering me the chewing gum at the reading
desk; I had a vision of myself as a grown-up. It included making large abstract
paintings in a huge barn (I used to paint then), or perhaps, write. I pictured
being the kind of man who owned a barn that had been converted into a painting
studio with cozy corners where I'd write as well. I pictured having a stained
glass window in the barn. I wanted to own horses too and tons of other animals.
I don’t know where I thought I would keep the horses if I were painting in the
barn or writing in those cozy corners. May be that's what being optimistic is
like. You don’t worry about where the horses are going to sleep. Now, I am
I've not come any closer to owning a
horse than I've come to owning a flat.
And I turn the pages of an old photo
album. Scrutinize a picture where I look happy. The face that stares back
at me in the photograph is soulful and earnest. He looks slightly shy but
self-assured. He has big brown eyes. His hair is swept to the side. Red
colorful sweater. It must have been a winter just like now. So much has
changed. But he doesn’t look familiar to me.
He looks like someone I would like to
know. I think I will give him a call and see if we can meet for coffee.
I wonder if I could have just skipped
meeting lots of people that I've met, skipped the trying so hard to make myself
match a stranger, and gone straight to the source. Made a profile for the
person I really wanted to meet : myself.
This morning, make arrangements with
yourself to meet for coffee. Find that one outfit in your closet that you feel
most yourself in, and dress to meet your self. Make sure you have clean
fingernails and do not wear stained or ripped sweat pants. Dress in a way that
pleases you and says to your inner self, “You are worth taking care.” Try
saying this to yourself : “You are doing a good job becoming your true self.”
Sit by the lake or in the park, on a bench
and notice the ways in which your hand curls beautifully around the steaming
cup. Appreciate the feel of the air ruffling your hair. Say hello to the
perfect person for you.
Let your shiny self meet your rumpled
self. Be in public with your new partner - you. Notice the way your toes curl
when you are happy. Just the way you are.